


seasons;

by yoongiment



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst, Bisexual Female Character, F/F, Past Relationship(s), Reader-Insert, yongsun's new partner is a man
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-12 16:48:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11165976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yoongiment/pseuds/yoongiment
Summary: you reflect on the seasons that you have spent with yongsun - the seasons she was there and the seasons she was not. the season she left and the season she came back.





	seasons;

**Author's Note:**

> this is my first F/F piece. it's some angst with an open ending, and it's centered around yongsun finding love in a man years after the end of her relationship with the female reader. i totally understand if that doesn't float your boat. please support my writing on tumblr as well if you'd like! thank you for reading ღ

“I think I love him.”

You looked into each other’s eyes, maintaining this human connection as she admitted that the intertwinement of your lives had finally come undone.

You couldn’t say anything. As if holding the crumbled remains of your world in her pretty hands was not enough for her, she was now letting go, the broken pieces of you floating around the lack of gravity that has attached itself to her and everything she touched.

You remembered the night years ago where you lay in your bed, once again staring into each other’s eyes. She held your hand and you absent-mindedly soothed yours along her back, wrapped in your sheets and her bra at the foot of the bed placed hours before. You could see spring in her eyes. She smiled at you, and in your bedroom filled with moonlight, she had created the most wonderful warmth you had ever had the luck to be under. In that moment, your hearts beating to the same rhythm, you had thought to yourself that you love her. You said nothing, choosing to silently run a thumb over her lips and wrap an arm around her waist as she let out a contented hum and shut her eyes to sleep. You wondered if in that night when falling stars landed at your feet she had come to the same realization - that the DNA coding of her body and soul had you written into them, just as hers was written into yours. You looked at her again as she fell asleep, but not before giving your hand a gentle squeeze as if to say, “I love you too.”

“Oh,” you wheeze out. You look at her and you are brought back to the present, in which she has found yet another way to destroy everything that you are. Your romance with her had been long ended since that night you kept finding yourself in. Years later, she sits across from you, her old friend, and you two are no longer girls, but women. Her hand rests on the table, yours and her food untouched. You know that life is going on around you, the servers bustling around the restaurant, couples having a meal together, people that love each other, all writing their stories and harmonizing with each other.

“That’s amazing.” You stumbled and tripped over your words and lifelessness glazed over Yongsun’s eyes. You were no longer a fool - that look was pity.

She said nothing, and yet again you were left guessing what was truly going on in her head. The light from the window of the restaurant cast a hazy glow around her. The ground outside was wet from the rain, but the sun still managed to come and radiate its warmth over her.

You remembered the time you believed that the sun rose for her eyes and the moon rolled around for her body. This universe was made to have her live in it, to live this life with you, love you, hold you, keep you -

Perhaps you still believed this.

“I do. I do love him.” You could no longer look at her, choosing to look out at the damp earth that would always turn for her.

It was no longer spring.

Your mind began to race and you couldn’t conjure up your thoughts, any of the love you still had stored for her, any of the love that would undoubtedly remain branded into every unit of your existence, any of the rage you felt towards her, the absolute fury that you felt because why, why, why did she let go, why did she choose someone else, a man especially.

You looked up. Her pity had morphed to regret, an ultimate sadness as she made it official that she wasn’t going to choose you.

Standing up, you gathered your things, calmly slinging your purse over your shoulder. Yongsun looked up at you, tears falling from her eyes. You also let your tears fall freely from your eyes, deciding that she deserved to see you, her first love, fall apart in front of her.

You waited for her to say something, anything, grab your hand and bring you home or just do something to prove that what you had was still alive. It was. You knew it was.

You took a step forward, away from Yongsun as she stared ahead of her at nothing. Opening the door of the restaurant, you looked at her again, wondering if it really was the last time.

She didn’t look at you.

And it was if she never wanted to look at you. Again, you find yourself drowning in your memories of your relationship with her.

“This is what you do to me,” she muttered lowly. Yongsun was sitting on your bed, her fingers laced through her hair that was weaved gold even on days like these. Her face was flushed and her jaw clenched, a physical demand for attention and appeasement just as a child would.

You called her name and her head snapped up to you. Saying nothing, you open your arms to her. Her glare sharpens and she opens her mouth, barking, “You think a hug is going to solve this?”

Yongsun was tired, frustrated that your increasingly busier life left her without your love and attention more often than not. She scowled at you and you broke out into a smile. Did anyone know Yongsun the way that you knew her? Suddenly, her frown turned into a grimace as her eyes filled with more tears, this time of desperation and woe.

“I love you.” Your first words since Yongsun snapped and released her pent-up irritation with you. She let out a small sob and leapt into your arms.

“Sorry. Sorry. I love you too.” She cried and choked out her guilt for being angry with you, who she loved so much.

“No, I’m sorry. I’ll make time for you. I’ll fix it.” You lifted the bottom of her shirt, placing your hand over her bare back and comforting her. She cried into your chest and your own chest constricted at the sight of her in pain. “I deserved this. I’ll fix it. Don’t worry.” You whispered your apologies to her and rested your head against the top of hers. You both believed that in spite of obstacles, you would always find your way back to each other. You loved Yongsun and she loved you; you were sure of this.

You were back in your apartment at this point, leaving the restaurant hours before with no sign of Yongsun coming after you. You lay in your bed that night, with the lights turned off and the moonlight flooding in. Yongsun was not there and you did not wonder anymore. You were sure now this time that she would not spend another night with you, living out your youth on the outside of your apartment or whispering and making love to each other on the inside.

What was there to do in a world where nobody else thought like you aside from the woman that decided you weren’t enough?

The clock read 2:00 AM. You missed her. You missed her though she never chased you the way that you chased her. You missed her though you loved her so much more than she ever loved you. Sighing, you shut your eyes, hoping for salvation from this universe that had lost its purpose long ago.

You dreamt of the day that the seasons of your lives had first begun to change.

“What are you going to do?” It was the first time your heart had stopped for Yongsun because she tried to make it stop. Your entire body was on fire, roasting, yet you didn’t know what to do. Your breathing was labored and she wouldn’t look at you. “Yongsun,”

“I want to leave.” She cut you off. Your head was spinning, but it came to a halt.

“What?” You stuttered. This wasn’t the Yongsun that you had first loved. She no longer carried warmth with her, instead resembling a black hole, absorbing all light and anything that comes near her, including you.

She wasn’t crying. “I don’t think we love each other the same way anymore,” she spoke in a hushed tone. The room was silent, save for your heavy breathing borderlining on weeping. “There’s no one else but you and me. There’s never been anything else but you and me.”

Your eyes come open in a holy, serene awakening. Your body had anticipated the life it would wake to, the colorless, dreary life in which you were bound to someone who was lightyears beyond you. The only sound in the room was your steady breathing. You looked out your window and asked yourself if that was her face in the stars, her body in the dips and valleys of the skyline. It was her that was in everything, wasn’t it? It was the hope of her coming back to you that made it worthwhile to live in this lonely city that was too big without her at your side. It’s her in the clouds above you, in the cars rushing by, in the atmosphere. She is all of it. She is everything.

Your phone lights up and casts its blue light into the bedroom. With only the energy to move your head, you roll your eyes over to the screen. Something catches your eye.  
Furrowing your brow, you find it in yourself to sit up and unlock your phone.

And there it was. As clear as a spring day, there it was.

“Missed Call: Kim Yongsun (4).”

You shut your eyes and let your tears fall freely and your body feels limp. Years after you and Yongsun had first crafted love within this bed frame, you had found yourself sitting cross-legged on top of it, letting your body take over the results of the stress and heartache she had gifted to you. And you tell yourself again, that this was it; it was true. She is everything.

Your hand shakes and trembles as you weigh your options. This was real, Yongsun was calling you at 3:58 AM. Your thumb hovers over the call back button and you choke over a sob. Over the sound of your crying, you can faintly hear a sound coming from the other side of your apartment. It is a knock and you know.

She is here.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! i always appreciate feedback if you'd like, and if you'd also like to support my writing on my tumblr at yoongiment.tumblr.com , it'd be much appreciated ! ღ


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